So...

May. 3rd, 2011 01:58 pm
snowee: (hamsters)
[personal profile] snowee
Well. I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't put all this out there. Bad vibes, good vibes... Whatever.

It'd be easier of this was a problem of, say, a broken ankle. No one says "TMI!" when it comes to discussion of an ankle - however - it's my uterus. Menstruation has been weird and increasingly problematic since I started losing weight. Turns out it's not about the weight. Even with iron pills and trying to put iron in my diet without adding more meat, my iron levels are low. Additionally, my uterus may be swollen and I may have cysts. I'm a little stressed out. The doctor would like to do the new procedure of ablution branded by NovaSure. Today, though, he scheduled an ultrasound because we may, instead, have to go with hysterectomy. Yeah, just a reminder? I'm 35. Okay, I'll be 36 soon, but still. I'm cool with it in the sense that I have never had and am sure I never will have any desire whatsoever to give birth. I'm not cool with it because that's pretty drastic. If I don't, though, I'll have 2-3 days a month where it's too heavy to even leave the house (sounds like an exaggeration, but here's the TMI bit. How about having two forms of absorption and having to change them every 15 minutes?) and the pain will be so bad I can't really stand it for more than about an hour + having it linger on for 2 full weeks.

So, this is why recent posts have been surface. Been trying to get in and get answers. Not feeling like I can go anywhere and do anything 2 weeks out of every month. Getting sick at every turn because I think it's weakened my immune system because I am seriously catching every little thing. Playing catch up on those rare occasions I feel okay.

Weight loss is going okay, but last two months have been so bad that I haven't been able to push through the pain and still exercise so it's slowed down a little.

This sucks. I was hoping to make the appointment today for the ablution procedure, but no. I have to have the ultrasound and if it turns out we have to go more drastic, then that will take even longer to get situated.

Oh, and my niece may have moved out, but they re-assessed out power bills and because of how much they increased our usage over the last 12 months before moving out, our power went UP again. Diet foods cost more. Generally we have NO money which hasn't been a problem in about 6 years. I've been looking for part time work, but that's not going very well either. Now I have to think about our medical portion of each of these procedures and needless to say, my stress level is kinda high. Like my blood pressure, actually... yeah, I've lost more than 60 lbs since July, but my blood pressure is up. wtf. I need to figure this out.

Right, and lately school keeps coming up. Seems like EVERYONE is going. I'm jealous, but what can I do? We're paying the only money we have each month to pay for Scott's education and he still hasn't found a better job. I only qualify for a tiny grant which sucks because I can't even find a job to pay the difference, but if I found a job, it would probably go toward buying clothes (you can only belt your pants for so long and my shirts are falling off my shoulders!) and that kind of thing. I just feel so stuck and yesterday someone said it's so easy to be a quitter and quit college. It wasn't easy for me!! I had senior status and was almost done! My mom paid for my sister to go all the way, but stopped paying for me that last year and told me I just needed to get a higher paying job so I could pay for it myself. Gee, I feel like she really had faith in me. Basically it's all bringing up shit feelings and I am sick of everyone and everything. Why do things just somehow work out for some people?

August 2012

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