All stored up and nowhere to go.
Nov. 10th, 2009 09:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
snoweeMy brain has been muddling so many things lately that it culminated in a rather sleepless night last night. I have to get some of it off my mind so I can go back to creating my fictitious world for NaNoWriMo.
Dad
With Christmas approaching, I keep thinking about Dad. It's hard not to! It's the first year I haven't bought him a gift since I was a little child and Mom picked out all our gifts for us.
Actually, I've had a hard time shopping for Christmas at all this year. It isn't about the economy. I keep hearing people whine about the holidays and the economy. If they haven't lost their job or wages cut, then I have little sympathy for their plight. Christmas is tough for us every year, but we make it work because we care about others. That's not the point. The point is that I've been having a hard time because every time I start planning out my lists and such, I come to Dad, remember, think of him, and it makes me a little sad. I had been making a list on Amazon.com of gift ideas over the last few years. I deleted it the other day and almost cried. Silly. But not silly at the same time. I know that.
Mom is going to NC this year for the holidays. This means our annual family gathering will be moved and rearranged. Maybe this is for the best. Dad's absence would have been noticeable.
On a happier note:
Marriage (leading into rarely mentioned celebrity gossip)
I saw a commercial for Oprah yesterday. Apparently she interviewed Ellen and Portia. I saw the way they looked at each other in the clip so I went online and found an example.
Even in a het relationship, I feel like this completely validates my marriage. It's something I've been struggling with for a while - this whole idea of the piece of paper, but that reminded me that it's not about the paper. Gay marriage being such a huge fight, you hear all sorts of angles, but frankly I have never been able to wrap my mind around this "sanctity of marriage" until I look at a couple like Ellen and Portia. THAT'S the sanctity. Anyone who argues it having to do with gender clearly does NOT get it.
I don't talk about celebrities because I don't particularly like them. Well, it's not that I don't like them it's that I don't know them. They are just people, right? I get so tired of people acting like they know them and so I think nothing of them. I have no desire to meet them, be one, etc. etc. Yeah, a lot of people I know say the same thing, but then they get stupid when they meet one. I also know a lot of people think this way, but I go to the extent of actually hating the idea of celebrity. I just want them to entertain me on screen or whatever their art form and beyond that I want them to disappear. I don't want them to be interviewed on Oprah or their pictures staring at me every time I buy groceries.
Unless it's CKR, but we won't go there.
Just kidding.
Anyway, I could have said the following without saying all that, but I wanted to get on my soapbox and you can't stop me even if I sound like an idiot. {smirk}
Here is the "following" part. Years ago I saw Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman walking the red carpet when a friend was watching the lead up to the Oscars. What I noticed was that when Nicole talked, Tom stared at her with a goofy look. When Tom talked, Nicole looked - everywhere else. Schmoozing. Waving. Smiling at the cameras who were not distracted by her husband.
It was SEVERAL years before their marriage was over and then, as I've heard, it was blamed on Tom. I doubt it. It's about that look, imo.
Like Ellen and Portia. Look at them again. It's not just looking at each other. It's THAT look.
I wish someone looked at me that way. Frankly I can't think of one time I've seen my husband look at me that way - even on our wedding day. I'm not sure I've looked that way either though. They make me a smidge jealous.
Except for that whole "they're celebrities" thing.
Okay, there was more, but I feel better now and I have to resort thoughts. Another post later? Perhaps. Perhaps not. Writing my story? Definitely - but only thanks to the kindness of being able to journal out the distractions.
Dad
With Christmas approaching, I keep thinking about Dad. It's hard not to! It's the first year I haven't bought him a gift since I was a little child and Mom picked out all our gifts for us.
Actually, I've had a hard time shopping for Christmas at all this year. It isn't about the economy. I keep hearing people whine about the holidays and the economy. If they haven't lost their job or wages cut, then I have little sympathy for their plight. Christmas is tough for us every year, but we make it work because we care about others. That's not the point. The point is that I've been having a hard time because every time I start planning out my lists and such, I come to Dad, remember, think of him, and it makes me a little sad. I had been making a list on Amazon.com of gift ideas over the last few years. I deleted it the other day and almost cried. Silly. But not silly at the same time. I know that.
Mom is going to NC this year for the holidays. This means our annual family gathering will be moved and rearranged. Maybe this is for the best. Dad's absence would have been noticeable.
On a happier note:
Marriage (leading into rarely mentioned celebrity gossip)
I saw a commercial for Oprah yesterday. Apparently she interviewed Ellen and Portia. I saw the way they looked at each other in the clip so I went online and found an example.
Even in a het relationship, I feel like this completely validates my marriage. It's something I've been struggling with for a while - this whole idea of the piece of paper, but that reminded me that it's not about the paper. Gay marriage being such a huge fight, you hear all sorts of angles, but frankly I have never been able to wrap my mind around this "sanctity of marriage" until I look at a couple like Ellen and Portia. THAT'S the sanctity. Anyone who argues it having to do with gender clearly does NOT get it.
I don't talk about celebrities because I don't particularly like them. Well, it's not that I don't like them it's that I don't know them. They are just people, right? I get so tired of people acting like they know them and so I think nothing of them. I have no desire to meet them, be one, etc. etc. Yeah, a lot of people I know say the same thing, but then they get stupid when they meet one. I also know a lot of people think this way, but I go to the extent of actually hating the idea of celebrity. I just want them to entertain me on screen or whatever their art form and beyond that I want them to disappear. I don't want them to be interviewed on Oprah or their pictures staring at me every time I buy groceries.
Unless it's CKR, but we won't go there.
Just kidding.
Anyway, I could have said the following without saying all that, but I wanted to get on my soapbox and you can't stop me even if I sound like an idiot. {smirk}
Here is the "following" part. Years ago I saw Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman walking the red carpet when a friend was watching the lead up to the Oscars. What I noticed was that when Nicole talked, Tom stared at her with a goofy look. When Tom talked, Nicole looked - everywhere else. Schmoozing. Waving. Smiling at the cameras who were not distracted by her husband.
It was SEVERAL years before their marriage was over and then, as I've heard, it was blamed on Tom. I doubt it. It's about that look, imo.
Like Ellen and Portia. Look at them again. It's not just looking at each other. It's THAT look.
I wish someone looked at me that way. Frankly I can't think of one time I've seen my husband look at me that way - even on our wedding day. I'm not sure I've looked that way either though. They make me a smidge jealous.
Except for that whole "they're celebrities" thing.
Okay, there was more, but I feel better now and I have to resort thoughts. Another post later? Perhaps. Perhaps not. Writing my story? Definitely - but only thanks to the kindness of being able to journal out the distractions.
