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snoweeChrist I'm wordy today.
So I just made two private posts for my own records that are a bit on the bitter side. Then I started thinking.
It's curiosity, I suppose. I wonder what people would think it they knew what goes on in my head; what I keep bottled inside. I mean, really. I would hope that people wouldn't deny in their own minds that sometimes the things we think are just vindictive personal attacks. Those you certainly wouldn't make public, right? So, while I'm striving to be more honest, less uncontrversial (interesting you made that post, Mali, it's something I've been working on for years) you must censor yourself to some point, right? I really don't want to hear that I'm the only one with nasty thoughts or the only one afraid to say them sometimes. How do you know when to be honest?
I mean, it seems simple, right? Be honest to people about things that are important. I can keep my angry rants in my head, but if it's something that's just an observation, you have a right to state your opinion?
Ok, but here's the problem. Every time I do this lately, the person on the receiving end ends up pissed off at me. Ok, now I'm not perfect, but I know how to be diplomatic, but even being diplomatic has gotten me into trouble. It's this whole thing I keep saying of "don't ask me to be honest if you don't really want to hear it." Because I will be and you may not like it. I understood in one instance where the receiver got mad, but later she cooled down and even took my advice (whether consciously or not, I don't know) and apologized (though I didn't ask for one, nor did I need one because I understood her protective/defensive stand) Only problem was the tension created afterwards when I refused to apoligize back - because 3 months later I knew I hadn't said anything to regret, I didn't get nasty and say hurtful things, and I wasn't wrong.
But people still ask because they are curious and I understand that curiosity too. I know I when want to know the truth. Occasionally when I first hear it - if it's harsh - it's going to affect me, but I'll be glad to have the truth later. That's, of course, when I ask for truth. When truth is given without my asking for it, it pisses the hell out of me.
And I think the problem is that people ask for honesty out of curiosity, not a desire to know the truth and that's their problem. So, I'm wondering if anyone else has comments on honesty vs curiosity. When do I open my mouth? How am I supposed to know if they're asking out of curiosity or true desire and why should I feel guilty if I get it wrong? They asked... but that doesn't mean I want to hurt people.
{sigh} This road's a hard life and it's just got me thinking today.
So I just made two private posts for my own records that are a bit on the bitter side. Then I started thinking.
It's curiosity, I suppose. I wonder what people would think it they knew what goes on in my head; what I keep bottled inside. I mean, really. I would hope that people wouldn't deny in their own minds that sometimes the things we think are just vindictive personal attacks. Those you certainly wouldn't make public, right? So, while I'm striving to be more honest, less uncontrversial (interesting you made that post, Mali, it's something I've been working on for years) you must censor yourself to some point, right? I really don't want to hear that I'm the only one with nasty thoughts or the only one afraid to say them sometimes. How do you know when to be honest?
I mean, it seems simple, right? Be honest to people about things that are important. I can keep my angry rants in my head, but if it's something that's just an observation, you have a right to state your opinion?
Ok, but here's the problem. Every time I do this lately, the person on the receiving end ends up pissed off at me. Ok, now I'm not perfect, but I know how to be diplomatic, but even being diplomatic has gotten me into trouble. It's this whole thing I keep saying of "don't ask me to be honest if you don't really want to hear it." Because I will be and you may not like it. I understood in one instance where the receiver got mad, but later she cooled down and even took my advice (whether consciously or not, I don't know) and apologized (though I didn't ask for one, nor did I need one because I understood her protective/defensive stand) Only problem was the tension created afterwards when I refused to apoligize back - because 3 months later I knew I hadn't said anything to regret, I didn't get nasty and say hurtful things, and I wasn't wrong.
But people still ask because they are curious and I understand that curiosity too. I know I when want to know the truth. Occasionally when I first hear it - if it's harsh - it's going to affect me, but I'll be glad to have the truth later. That's, of course, when I ask for truth. When truth is given without my asking for it, it pisses the hell out of me.
And I think the problem is that people ask for honesty out of curiosity, not a desire to know the truth and that's their problem. So, I'm wondering if anyone else has comments on honesty vs curiosity. When do I open my mouth? How am I supposed to know if they're asking out of curiosity or true desire and why should I feel guilty if I get it wrong? They asked... but that doesn't mean I want to hurt people.
{sigh} This road's a hard life and it's just got me thinking today.
