Survival Guide
Dec. 26th, 2002 01:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
snoweeSo, last year I bought the Worst Case Scenario datebook. Each week it gives you some new crazy thing and teaches you how to survive. When I got to "How to escape from bondage" I giggled, typed it, and sent it to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
anythingoes. For a while it was fun to send them with little gags, but eventually I think we both got bored 'cause they got stupid.
However, I just barely turned the page for this week (Yeah, I'm really dependent on mine...) and thought I'd share with everyone - making it useful for Holiday Survival.
How To Identify And Avoid Minefields
Avoid family functions
There are four basic mine types:
Tripwire Mines - Stepping across a wire attached to the detonator will cause the mine to explode. AKA Kids. Every time you cross their path, you're sure to come out annoyed and/or frustrated.
Direct Pressure Mines - Stepping down on a pressure-sensitive pad will activate the detonator. AKA Direct questions. Various family members initiate intensive interrogation and you're left feeling the pressure. You know at any moment you're bound to explode.
Timer Mines - A timer can be an electrical clock, a digital clock, a dripping/mixing chemical, or a mechanical timer that will detonate the mine. AKA Patience. Your patience is tried by a slow ticking at the back of your skull while waiting for kids to put on a Christmas pageant or otherwise get their act together. You know the faster they go, the sooner you're out of there so each tick is an eternity.
Remote Mines - A remote mine can be detonated via an electrical charge across a wire (a "clacker"), via a radio signal, or from a heat or sound sensor. You just know something bad is going on in another part of the house, but you're helpless to stop it from coming near YOU.
If you find yourself in a minefield, follow these steps to avoid detonating one.
1) Keep your eyes on your feet.
2) Do not move forward any further.
3) Look for spikes, detonators, wires, small children, annoying family members, gossipy types, snobs, or bumps and discolouration in the ground around you.
4) Avoid these areas, and back up slowly in your own footsteps. Do not turn around. Walk backward.
5) Stop when you are certain you are safe. home
anythingoes. For a while it was fun to send them with little gags, but eventually I think we both got bored 'cause they got stupid.However, I just barely turned the page for this week (Yeah, I'm really dependent on mine...) and thought I'd share with everyone - making it useful for Holiday Survival.
How To Identify And Avoid Minefields
Avoid family functions
There are four basic mine types:
Tripwire Mines - Stepping across a wire attached to the detonator will cause the mine to explode. AKA Kids. Every time you cross their path, you're sure to come out annoyed and/or frustrated.
Direct Pressure Mines - Stepping down on a pressure-sensitive pad will activate the detonator. AKA Direct questions. Various family members initiate intensive interrogation and you're left feeling the pressure. You know at any moment you're bound to explode.
Timer Mines - A timer can be an electrical clock, a digital clock, a dripping/mixing chemical, or a mechanical timer that will detonate the mine. AKA Patience. Your patience is tried by a slow ticking at the back of your skull while waiting for kids to put on a Christmas pageant or otherwise get their act together. You know the faster they go, the sooner you're out of there so each tick is an eternity.
Remote Mines - A remote mine can be detonated via an electrical charge across a wire (a "clacker"), via a radio signal, or from a heat or sound sensor. You just know something bad is going on in another part of the house, but you're helpless to stop it from coming near YOU.
If you find yourself in a minefield, follow these steps to avoid detonating one.
1) Keep your eyes on your feet.
2) Do not move forward any further.
3) Look for spikes, detonators, wires, small children, annoying family members, gossipy types, snobs, or bumps and discolouration in the ground around you.
4) Avoid these areas, and back up slowly in your own footsteps. Do not turn around. Walk backward.
5) Stop when you are certain you are safe. home
