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Bureaucracy

Today we had to get V-‘s birth certificate (bc). We started at 10:00am. Now, over the last month, I did research to see what needed to be done (hoping, actually, that it could be done online). Two webpages for Utah vital stats said I need either one from this list, blah blah or two from this list… social security card and adoption paperwork. If you are doing two from the second list, you must come into the office: address is downtown – we live quite a ways out in the suburbs. Cost $15

This morning, we went to that office. I hand over papers. She looks at it and says “This has to be filed with the state before you can request bc.” I say “It should be.” She goes to computer, looks. No it hasn’t. We must go to this address.

Now, as we journey across town to a destination a few miles west, let me back up in my story. Utah requires 6 mos after birth to finalize an adoption. After trouble procuring an attorney (because most avoid private adoptions) we found one who dawdled around, didn’t return calls for weeks, took more weeks sending necessary paperwork, lost a few sets… etc… she was nearly 2 before we got a court date. Less than 24 hours before court date, our attorney calls and says we’ll need to bring a few hundred $$ for court costs and fees. Now, I knew we’d have to pay for these at some point, but keep in mind we’ve already paid him a couple thousand $$ to retain him as our attorney (the reason we put up with his bullshit – which extended beyond the dawdling). The judge looks at papers, signs off. We’re leaving, give Frank our money (thank god we had it because HELLO! Coming up with that at the last minute!?) and he says he’ll file the papers with the state and then send us copies. After that we can simply request a birth certificate.

Perhaps, perhaps it’s our fault for not requesting the birth certificate as soon as his copy of the papers came in the mail, but how were we to know that he did NOT file with the state!

Now we’re at the other building. I hand over adoption papers. She says she doesn’t need soc card. Fill out this paper. We sit down to fill out.

Can someone explain to me why, when you go to a gov office, only about 25% of the people look like they’ve showered that day and NONE of the parents do a damned thing about their kid who is bored, screaming, crying, making all kinds of ungodly racket? If I were anywhere else, these parents would at least give a “sh sh sh” that makes it look like they are trying, but DMV, DOH, I don’t care where you are, they’re all just screaming and/or crying and the parents are just sitting there doing nothing.

Okay, paperwork filled out. We go back, stand in line again, give to lady.

Fun story: Lady next to us is pissed because the bank accepts her prison ID to cash checks, but DOH will not accept it to get her son’s birth certificate. She says her hubby came in, tried to get it, he should be on bc, but isn’t. His brother then came in. This is the fourth time they’ve tried to get it. The woman behind desk says “I have a list of what’s acceptable.” Lady says “I have that! But the bank takes this as ID.” Well, in all the stuff I was looking at, I actually have to say that the DOH specifically tells you that they don’t accept prison ID. There is no point in saying that you have “that list” if you didn’t bother to READ IT. Besides, didn’t someone tell her hubby or the brother or the others she had come in for her… didn’t someone tell them what she needed to do!?

But I digress. The lady takes the paperwork. Goes off. Comes back and says it’ll be about 2 hours. I say “Can you mail it to us?” because V- has karate in an hour by this point and we have to drive back home, change her, then out to karate which is another 20 minutes in the opposite direction. She says “Sure!” like this makes it easier for her.

We’re almost home and this officious bitch calls. She spends twenty minutes telling us how the adoption paperwork is wrong (in the beginning it lists her name, then refers to her from that point as baby VB. According to her, any number of VB’s could have been born at that hospital on that day. Unlikely, but okay.) So what do we do? She tells us that she wishes we hadn’t left. Okay, but what do we do, ma’am? She tells us that the paperwork has the wrong b-day. I was there when she was born so it’s you who’s wrong. But no matter. What do we do? This goes un for a while until finally she says we have to come back down and fill out a medical history for the mother. Fine. So we take her to karate, then shoot all the way back out there. She gives us this ten page packet. Tell me, please, tell me why the adoption paperwork, soc card, my id, etc etc is not acceptable until I fill out paperwork saying what kind of personality, hobbies, interests of birth mother and HER parents is filled out! One page was about the health during pregnancy. One page was about general medical history. Swear to god the other 8 were about how old she was, her hair colour, eye colour, body type, hobbies, interests… and the same about her parents. WTF!? This is so damned important that you can’t give me the bc without it!?!?

So, government offices can up and die. Our attorney can fuck off and die. If I ever see him driving and I’m alone in my car, I’m hitting him head-fucking-on, pedal to the floor!

But we have the birth certificate NOW. I was so filled with glee in the end that I bounced back to the car. We got home at 10 to five. Hubby has to leave for school at five. Nice timing.