snowee: (Default)
2011-08-12 05:11 pm

(no subject)

To pay or not to pay?
My account is about to expire. Been so long since I had the free options, I don't know what I'll be losing. When I tried to navigate LJ questions to find out, the webpage wasn't working, then I got distracted, then I got called away... basically, can anyone tell me what I lose besides pics? I just can't justify the expense this year.

Not as young as I was when I was younger
I took Jane to the county fair. Aside from it being disappointing and expensive - which I saw coming - they had this ride called Sizzler which is exactly like Scrambler - a ride I used to love.

Er, ride goes like this, only much faster...


omg. I got off and thought I was going to vomit. For perspective, I have been on all variety of amusement park rides and the only time I got a tiny bit woozy was when I rode the Teacup ride at Disneyland 5 minutes after eating an ice cream bar in the heat. This felt about 10 times worse. Holy crap. Caught me off guard!

In fact, I still feel a bit funny and we've been home for an hour. Ha ha...

Probably shouldn't have done it anyway. All that walking, plus the jerking around on the ride - by the time I got home I was very clearly reminded that I'm not at 100%. I've only had what I've been calling discomfort for a few weeks, but I am ready to use the "P" word. I keep running around like I'm fine, but I'm having pretty bad pain now.

Nap anyone? I was going to update more, but now I think I just want to sleep...
snowee: (open for business)
2011-07-18 09:18 am

Upon reflection...

This is the day I would have gone in for surgery if things had not gone as they did. This pleases me. Aside from the fact that I'm nearly healed and feeling pretty damn good instead of sitting in hospital dreading what is about to happen, I didn't have to deal with all that fun stuff I otherwise would have had to remember to deal with; hospital registration, blood tests, fasting, approval from insurance, and anxiety.

I now wonder when the insurance is going to buck up and start figuring things out. So far, we've had only one confirmed bill. I'm still waiting for the lab to bill for the biopsy done the first Friday of June, waiting for the insurance to say what they will pay of the ablation procedure also done the first of June... let alone this surgery. If Scott's emergency stint for his kidney stone is any indication, we're about to enter insurance funland. "You didn't have it pre-approved!" they love to say as an excuse for not paying. "Uh, it was an emergency..." How does one get PRE approved for an emergency? It took weeks to get it figured out - but we're lucky. Some people take months.

Good things; 1 - I have a friend visiting from out of town. By this weekend I can go out with her which means I won't miss her altogether on this visit. 2 - Smurfs premiere is the 29th and now I'll be good to go. 3 - I may be cleared for swimming BEFORE Jane goes back to school. My appointment is next week where I'll be told just how active I can/should be. I know I'm still supposed to take it somewhat easy, but right now the bumpy of cars is too much pain for me so I'm really ready to gnaw through the straps.
snowee: (unfair surprisery)
2011-07-11 08:41 am

(no subject)

It's Thursday afternoon. We (doctor, husband, and I) have decided to do surgery as an emergency, now, instead of waiting until scheduled date 10 days away.

Interesting note; once the surgery had been scheduled, I started making plans. I told Scott how to do the bills and made up a file with all our account numbers in it - just in case. I told people "I know it's more than 2 weeks away, but I would just feel better if I had arrangements made now" and discussed child care, dinners, picked up things we will be borrowing like a lap desk, tray, etc. Moved games and art projects upstairs so I would have things to do. Told Scott I wanted to have crackers, meds, etc upstairs by the bed so I wouldn't be all pathetic and needy asking him or Jane to run up and down the stairs every time I needed medication or something. Of course, when surgery moved up, it was a good thing I had jumped the gun on all that because we were mostly prepared for my being laid up. Interesting, no?

Anyway, it's Thursday afternoon and I'm now being wheeled on my bed toward the OR. I finally let the word into my brain as a conscious thought. Scared. I'm scared. Clear as day, I see my arms thrusting out, grabbing for anything as we pass it; that cart, a wall, the door, a rail... and screaming "wait! I changed my mind. I can't do this!" I loathe myself for being afraid of anything. Instead, this other me grabs the arms of the first 'me' and peels them from the walls. "If you don't do this now, what do you have to look forward to? A crime scene every time you go to the bathroom? Something that looks like you've been killing small dead animals? Pain? Another blood transfusion before surgery which, let's face it, has to happen in 10 days either way because you can't back out completely."

First me wraps her arms into her chest and realizes she's fucked. She has to trust someone. She has to trust the doctor and his staff who are preparing in the OR right this minute. It's okay at the time, but afterwards, the word trust gets a little caught in her throat. I don't like trusting other people - especially with control over my own body.
snowee: (Dead Like Me)
2011-07-09 02:05 pm

Not quite the plan, but I'll take it...

While I began to feel weak and generally awful earlier in the week, it wasn't until Wednesday night that I felt I really needed to know what was going on. I had been bleeding a lot and I suspected my blood levels were down again.

Hubby took me to ER. Despite the massive amounts of iron pills I had been taking, my levels were back down to 21. (hey, it's no 15, but...) I was admitted to hospital and given 2 pints of blood. Well, my doctor came in, assessed the situation, and decided we really shouldn't postpone surgery any longer. In order to do surgery, he wanted my levels higher (2 pints only brought me up to 22, but it does take time to build) so I had another two pints and by Thursday afternoon, I was in the OR having my uterus removed.

After surgery they had to give me 2 more pints so that's 6 pints in about 24 hours. Ridiculous! You know the human body only carries 8-10 pints so in theory, I'm more donor than me right now. Considering I had 3 pints a few weeks ago, you could say my blood has been replaced within the last month. Anyway, that did bring my levels up to 30 which is quite decent (we're shooting for 35-40 now that I'm not bleeding anymore.

Pain sucks, but the worst is over. Just got out of hospital and thought I'd update groups as much as possible because I'm too tired to send individual emails.

This is a warning to all my other organs. If you piss me off, I'll have you cut out. Do you hear me?
snowee: (ds)
2011-07-03 10:31 am

It's the little things.

Some things still make me giggle. Since more than half of my LJ friends are from the Due South days, y'all will like #5...
snowee: (Default)
2011-06-29 10:38 pm

Conformist

I'd like to run something past you all and get some thoughts. I'm pretty sure you're the right crowd for this...

Conformity. All around me, I have people obsessed with not conforming. One person is a teenager so I know at that age we all go through the "I don't want to conform" stage, but the other people are much older. One is my age and she simply obsesses about not conforming. Anytime I do anything (including going to see my father's grave on his birthday!) she tells me about how she wouldn't do that because it's conforming.

My question is, if you spend that much time worrying about not conforming, why are you any better than a conformist? I don't think about whether or not my actions conform. I question when, why, where, etc, but I feel like I make up my own mind about doing what I want. I don't think too much about what other people do or expect. I just do. If it happens to coincide with what others do, suddenly I'm a brainwashed zombie conformist? No. I don't think so. So, back to question, do you think a person who is worried about conforming is pretty much the same as everybody else or is there some difference I'm missing?

Who cares? I probably shouldn't. I'm just bored of hearing it. Feels a little conformist for someone to say they are a non-conformist at this point.

While we're at it, am I the only one amused by this post that goes around facebook (and has gone around in email format as well)? "15 year old girl holds hands with her 1 year old son. People call her a slut. No-one knows she was raped at 13. People call a girl fat. No-one knows she has a serious disease which causes her to be over weight. People call an old man ugly. No-one knows he had a serious injury to his face while fighting for our country in the war. Re post this if you are against bullying and stereotyping. Bet none of you will" (or pass on the email if you are against bullying. Bet you won't!)

Isn't that challenge sort of a bullying tactic? Maybe you should learn to stop bullying other people into agreeing with you, hmmm?
snowee: (fuck adulthood)
2011-06-28 05:59 pm

(no subject)


Love it Love it
Jane talked me into buying this today. The task was made a bit simpler by the fact that it was just $10 (marked down from $50, score!)and looked THIS CUTE on her. She came home, did makeup (better than I do my own, holy hell!) so I took a couple pictures. I did tell you she's getting more fun with age, didn't I???

snowee: (Default)
2011-06-28 05:36 pm

Uterus Fail...

Yeah, if you're sick of reading all about it, it will end soon. Promise. Because it won't be there anymore.

Procedure failed. Next step for most women? IUD. Not recommended for women who have never had babies. Step after that? Hysterectomy. Mine's scheduled for the 18th of July. Mostly removed vaginally...but since mine's enlarged, fibroids, and da da da dum I haven't had babies, I have to be cut open.

You know, the "have babies" world is so set in us that it seems most procedures and treatments are designed for women who have. Options for women who never have become special cases and bla bla. {sigh} I never cared until now. I'm still working on getting my blood up, but that's hard to do when bleeding. This may mean getting an infusion right before or after surgery. omg, could this sound like any more fun!?

The thing is, it's been an option all along and I felt okay with it. Now that it's reality, I'm kind of disappointed, frustrated, and intimidated. {sigh} Of course, today I wish the surgery was sooner just because it's been a baaaaad day. I'm 36. Aren't I supposed to be too young for this crap? I have learned I'm not the only person my age (or even younger) who has had to have it removed, but it doesn't make it any easier to think. I've been in generally good health. Funny thing, with my weight and such, I would have expected a dozen other problems before this one.
snowee: (life)
2011-06-06 01:57 pm

(no subject)

I LOATHE MY UTERUS

But I'll stop bothering all of you about it.

OH! [livejournal.com profile] tikiaceae? I just found out Showtime is making a new show. It stars Claire Danes. And Mandy Patinkin. AAAAAND (see icon. Hint: it's not the apple and Sarah Shahi is already in a show on USA). It's called Homeland. Just thought you might be interested.
snowee: (dancing fett)
2011-06-04 09:36 pm

Swell!

So I had my procedure yesterday. It was fun! No, really. They took me to the back, gave me 2 lortab and a lorazepam, plus an anti nausea pill and some shot with more sedation in it so I was under what they termed "conscious sedation". Next they sent me back into the waiting room to wait my turn for the actual procedure. 'Nother lady was out there waiting her turn - the last laser treatment of the day as I was the first water treatment. See, laser is nicer and easier on the body, but when you've got a uterus full of fibroids, it ceases to be an option. Anyway, she was getting a little loopy, then she got called back. Now I knew my turn to get loopy was coming any second.

It Was Awesome. The chair back grew taller. The next one got shorter. The carpet moved like psychotic fractals. I had flashbacks to the days when I would drink tequila and smoke weed together. Finally they called me back. I'm pretty sure I rambled about something odd because my husband says after the procedure, the doctor came out and said I was pretty loopy, then (according to Scott) he chuckled in an odd way. {shrug} who knows?

So... we won't know if it worked the way it should for about 3 months, but can't see why it won't be okay. Hope so. Life should return to normal... and I get to start thinking about swimming and hiking again. Whee.
snowee: (Dead Like Me)
2011-05-26 08:11 pm

(no subject)

So, i learned that transfusion actually happen at 25, not 20. After 3 liters, I was all the way up to 23. Wahoo. They did let me go home, though, because I'll supposedly increase a bit throughout the night.

Needless to say, I am not dieting right now. I can't stress about calories. I'm just eating lots of iron and protein.

Many things clicked into place... I was tired, couldn't walk very far, headache, couldn't think clearly... Now I feel like there is blood in my brain and I can think again. Headache is gone. Feeling much better. I just have to make it 1 week from tomorrow, then I'll have the procedure that will help everything. I see relief in sight. Whew.
snowee: (Default)
2011-05-25 09:59 pm

AWESOME update

Had my biopsy today. Dr found weird polyp outside cervix which is not exactly common. Removed it, then it wouldn't stop bleeding until he put this weird gunk on it. Awesome. Scab in "that area" pinching all afternoon. Awesome. Get a call from him tonight informing me I have to go to hospital to get a transfusion. AWESOME! Normal blood levels are 40. Usually do transfusions at 20. I'm reading 15. Awesome...

For the first time I wish I had a smart phone. It'd give me something to do tomorrow...
snowee: (Default)
2011-05-21 11:05 pm

Muppet feelgoodness

I used to have a video with this special... omg, loved it. Why on earth can't they release it on DVD!?

Muppets: 30 years (1986) )
snowee: (fuck adulthood)
2011-05-17 10:46 am

tension

Oh, I don't know. Maybe I don't need to hash out every detail, but now I am starting to actually feel a smidge scared. Just a tiny smidge. No, really, just a little.

Doctor's office called this morning and now they want to do a biopsy. Reading up on internet, biopsy is not always called for after fibroids are discovered unless Dr. thinks it needs to be done as a precaution. Precaution = cancerous tumors in this case. Again, that's worst case scenerio and pretty unlikely. It's still getting to me. Guess I have to stop typing now because I have the overwhelming urge to sit here wringing my hands.
snowee: (Default)
2011-05-16 11:47 am

Update

Since I've brought LJ into this circle, basically, I thought I'd mention the update on my 'condition' (for lack of better word). Had ultrasound today and watched the tech mark about 10-12 areas with measurements. Finally she said my uterus is very "fibrous", did I know? No, I didn't. She said it was "nothing to be {slight pause followed by hint of emphasis on the word} alarmed about." Of course I've heard 'fibrous' with the word 'tumors' before, but I wasn't too freaked out - only enough to need input. Tech, of course, can't say anything more so I called my older sister who used to work in ob/gyn office. Okay, probably nothing scary like cancer, but that is exactly what we'll have to watch out for now and there is some sort of treatment or other I'll have to undergo for what is there. I don't know. Doctor is supposed to call tomorrow. I'll call him if he doesn't call me because I really want to rush through at this point. Have come really close to passing out twice now. Second time was with my close sister so she now knows what's up.

Birthday was pretty great. People gave me such generous gifts and I really didn't hope for any at all so that felt quite splendid.

This morning I put on a pair of pants one size smaller that my sister-in-law gave me and they fit too! The other pair she gave started out a bit snug and these are loose so I am convinced plus sizes are stupid and inconsistent. What's the point of giving it a number if it has no consistency? LOL. Still, that means shopping one size smaller, probably, so...awesome. My mom's gift to me is clothes, too, so while I don't think I'm done dropping sizes yet, at least I won't look like I'm wearing clown clothes all the damn time.
snowee: (Default)
2011-05-15 09:42 am

Thanks...and a little thing...

Thanks, tiki, for the virtual gift. MM! Jelly beans I can enjoy guilt free! Perfect! ha ha

Observation of the day: Isn't it funny how it's the people who always act superior to everyone else who are the quickest to claim someone else is acting superior when they get upset? That may not have been a proper sentence. I'll try this. Isn't it funny how my husband's sister always goes around acting superior, but apparently he upset her last week and when he found out just how mad she was, he apologized and she said she wouldn't accept it because he goes around acting like he's better than everyone else.

I wish my hair would grow faster. I wish I was up to going for a walk today because I am not eating well this weekend. Actually, I'm eating "well", I'm just not eating within my calories...ha ha. I wish I had a Mystery Machine and a gang to help me solve crimes committed by humans pretending to be ghosts and zombies. {sigh}
snowee: (hamsters)
2011-05-03 01:58 pm

So...

Well. I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't put all this out there. Bad vibes, good vibes... Whatever.

Sometimes I just need 'vent therapy' )
snowee: (Default)
2011-04-28 08:28 pm

(no subject)

Thanks to person who gave me virtual gift. HA HA loved it! I'll wear my tin foil hat with pride. Never know what's coming!!
snowee: (Default)
2011-04-12 11:47 am

Personality test...

Unlike tiki, I love personality tests. This one threw me, though. I didn't know how to answer so I just went with the one to which I felt attracted after reading the question. Now I'm a bit creeped out!

The test

my results )

bitching )
snowee: (Default)
2011-03-20 10:44 am

St. Patty's Weekend

So, weekend started on Thursday and ended late last night. Hmm. After a weekend of parties, binge drinking, salty corned beef, and more binge drinking I seem to have lost 2 more lbs. {blink} Works for me!

keeping busy
I actually realized that in the last 6 months, my life has changed quite a bit. Scott feels like going places and doing things so we have been going places and doing things like crazy! I used to sneak off with friends on occasion to sit in hot tubs, drink coffee or wine, eat without children around... Now we're doing these things together plus some.

On the mellow side, we have started two blogs. We both spend too much time talking when we walk, we think, because we decided to start one about all the things we want to say about losing weight (and share recipes, etc) and the other one is going to be a place to bitch about the books we read, movies we see, or crazy observations about life. Could work to talk them up, too, I suppose, but we only have one entry...

So, I bought another domain where I will eventually build a page around these things. Original Ninja Pineapple - where the ninja pineapple will run wild. {grin}

More busy is planned. This summer we're going swimming twice a week and hiking once a week. I may have said this before, but I'm putting it everywhere so that I am committed to follow through! I learned yesterday I will probably need a new swimsuit (aside from the cost - $$$ we don't have - I have this to say about that: YAY!) The one I have is kind of okay, but it swishes a bit more than I like and if you're going to be swimming for fitness... Also have to buy hiking shoes for self and little one as we have nothing that will work. This is why money is running out so fast these days. I can't make due with my pants any longer either and the smaller ones I got hand me down were nearly falling off while dancing at the bar on Friday. I only have 1 pair right now that fits right. Pants are so expensive!

Party on
Jane's birthday is coming up. I'm actually very excited this year because we spent one day last week discussing ideas - both ones I found on the internet and ones we came up with ourselves. She wanted a slumber party, but what finally clicked for the theme is a murder mystery. I have since found a few ideas that are kid-safe on the internet, but none of them seem awesome enough so last night, hubby and I came up with a hybrid that will be easier than the one idea I found, but more fun than the basic package, I think. I'm already loving some of our ideas like putting black tape lines on the wall and taking the kids mugshots when they enter the house - they'll all be suspects. We'll have riddles that encourage logical thought as well as reading... yes... I can't help the part of me that sees this as a learning opportunity! ha ha. Anyway, I think it will be a lot of fun for the girls.